By Elicipha Njuguna
God, train me to see well, lest I end up wasting my pain.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation so uncomfortable, painful, or confusing that you struggle to understand why God would allow you to go through it?
Have you ever looked at a closed door, a delayed opportunity, a broken relationship, an unexpected loss, or an unfair situation and concluded that something has gone terribly wrong?
What if the challenge is not always the situation itself, but how we perceive it?
What if the very place you are desperately trying to escape is also the place where something significant is being prepared?
One of the greatest gifts we can ask God for is not merely a change of circumstances, but the ability to perceive our circumstances accurately.
There is a profound difference between seeing something and understanding what it means. We can be physically present in a season yet completely miss what that season is teaching us, developing in us, or making possible.
The story of Joseph in Genesis 37–41 offers a remarkable illustration.
Joseph: The prison that became a pathway to the palace
Joseph was given dreams of greatness, but his journey towards their fulfilment was anything but glamorous.
His brothers hated him, stripped him of his coat of many colours, threw him into a pit, and eventually sold him into slavery. He was taken to Egypt, where he served in Potiphar’s household.
Just when things seemed to be improving, another injustice unfolded. Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him of sexual misconduct, and Joseph was thrown into prison.
Think about that for a moment.
Joseph was not in prison because he had committed a crime. He was there because he had chosen integrity.
Imagine the emotional and psychological turmoil. He had already experienced betrayal by his brothers, separation from his family, displacement from his homeland, and now imprisonment for something he had not done.
He had every reason to experience anger, helplessness, hopelessness, and bitterness.
Yet something remarkable happened in prison.
Genesis 39:21 tells us:
But the LORD was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison.
Even in prison, Joseph continued to demonstrate responsibility, wisdom, and the ability to interpret dreams.
It was there that he encountered Pharaoh’s chief cupbearer and chief baker. When they had troubling dreams, Joseph interpreted them.
The cupbearer eventually returned to Pharaoh’s service but forgot Joseph.
Two more years passed before Pharaoh had dreams that troubled him. It was then that the cupbearer remembered Joseph.
Joseph was summoned from prison, interpreted Pharaoh’s dreams, and offered a solution to the impending famine.
He was subsequently appointed second in command over Egypt.
Here is something worth reflecting on:
Joseph needed to be in the prison for that particular encounter with the cupbearer to happen.
The cupbearer was not in Jacob’s house. Pharaoh was not in Potiphar’s house. And the opportunity that eventually connected Joseph to the palace emerged from an encounter in prison.
Had Joseph’s story ended at the prison door, it would have appeared to be a tragedy. But the prison was not the conclusion of his story.
The very place that appeared to be evidence of his abandonment became part of the pathway through which his assignment unfolded.
I am not suggesting that Joseph’s suffering was good or that injustice should be celebrated. His imprisonment was wrong. But God’s providence was not defeated by the injustice.
Joseph’s circumstances changed, but God’s presence had never left him.
Perhaps the lesson is that we should be careful about declaring a season wasted simply because it does not look like what we expected.
Sometimes, we are so preoccupied with getting out of a situation that we fail to recognise the opportunities, relationships, lessons, and preparation taking place within it.
Joseph’s prison experience did not disqualify him from his destiny. In God’s providence, it became part of his preparation.
The psychological perspective: How we interpret our experiences matters
From a psychological perspective, our interpretation of an event can significantly influence our emotional and behavioural responses.
Psychologists Richard Lazarus and Susan Folkman, in their 1984 work on stress, appraisal, and coping, explain that people evaluate stressful situations in terms of their significance and the resources available to cope with them.
This is known as cognitive appraisal theory.
Consider Joseph’s circumstances.
He could have interpreted his imprisonment as evidence that integrity was pointless, that God had abandoned him, or that his dreams would never materialise.
However, he continued to engage meaningfully with his environment. He interpreted dreams, served others, and demonstrated leadership even when his circumstances offered little reason for optimism.
This does not mean he was unaffected by his suffering. Rather, his circumstances did not completely determine his behaviour.
This brings us to another important psychological concept: resilience.
Resilience is the capacity to adapt, recover, and continue functioning in the face of adversity. It does not mean being unaffected by difficulties or never experiencing emotional distress.
It involves drawing on internal and external resources to navigate challenging experiences.
Joseph’s story illustrates how maintaining a sense of responsibility, purpose, and personal agency can help us navigate difficult seasons.
We may not have control over everything that happens to us, but we can often influence how we respond.
Do not waste your pain
I particularly love the thought that we can experience pain without necessarily growing from it.
Pain, by itself, does not guarantee transformation.
In psychology, the concept of post-traumatic growth explores how some individuals experience positive psychological changes following highly challenging life circumstances.
These may include increased personal strength, deeper relationships, a renewed appreciation of life, and a greater sense of meaning.
However, growth is not automatic, and trauma is never a prerequisite for personal development.
We should never romanticise suffering or pressure people to find a lesson before they have had an opportunity to grieve.
Sometimes, the first step towards not wasting pain is simply acknowledging that we have been hurt and allowing ourselves to heal.
Joseph eventually encountered his brothers again and declared:
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Genesis 50:20).
What a remarkable perspective!
Joseph did not deny the evil that had been done to him. He acknowledged it while recognising that it had not prevented God from bringing about something good.
That is the power of accurate perception: acknowledging the reality of our pain without allowing the pain to become the entirety of our story.
My prayer
Father, give me the gift of accurate perception. Teach me to see beyond appearances, emotions, disappointments, and immediate circumstances.
When I find myself in a prison, remind me that my circumstances do not define the boundaries of Your possibilities.
When I experience rejection, help me process the pain without internalising the rejection as my identity.
When I experience loss, give me the grace to grieve without losing sight of the gift of life.
Give me wisdom to know when to persevere, when to reposition myself, when to let go, when to seek help, and when to wait.
Above all, Lord, do not allow my pain to be wasted. Let my experiences deepen my wisdom, strengthen my character, expand my compassion, and increase my capacity to serve others.
Lord, train me to see well! Amen.
A final thought
Joseph could not have encountered Pharaoh’s cupbearer in Jacob’s house. The encounter that connected him to the palace happened in prison.
Perhaps we need to stop declaring certain seasons wasted simply because they are uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
We must remember that not every prison leads to a palace, and not every painful experience produces the outcome we desire. But our circumstances do not have to have the final word over our lives.
Do not become so preoccupied with escaping the prison that you fail to recognise the cupbearer.
A moment of personal reflection
- What situation in my life have I interpreted negatively because of the pain associated with it?
- Am I confusing my current circumstances with the ultimate outcome of my story?
- Have past experiences influenced how I perceive present relationships and opportunities?
- What lessons have I gained from some of my most difficult experiences?
- Am I so focused on leaving my current season that I am missing what I need to learn or do while I am here?
- What would it look like to respond to my present circumstances with greater wisdom and resilience?
See well. Process well. Respond wisely. And whatever you do, do not waste your pain. ❤️
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