By Elicipha Njuguna
Have you ever posted something on social media and found yourself checking your phone repeatedly to see who liked it?
Or sent a message and wondered why someone had not replied?
Or made a decision and felt the need to seek reassurance that you had done the right thing?
Sometimes, it is not attention we are looking for. We are looking for approval and reassurance.
Somewhere inside us, a voice keeps asking:
Am I good enough?
Did I do well?
Do they like me?
What will people think?
This is the inner critic. It constantly evaluates, compares and reminds us of where we think we are falling short. And when that voice becomes too loud, we begin seeking approval from others to quiet it.
A compliment makes us feel better. Recognition makes us feel valued. Someone saying, “I am proud of you,” gives us temporary relief.
But soon, we need it again.
And again.
That is how approval seeking can become a cycle we struggle to break.
When Other People’s Opinions Become Our Mirror
There is nothing wrong with appreciating encouragement. We all need affirmation and healthy relationships.
The problem begins when other people’s approval becomes the evidence we need to believe that we are worthy.
Silence begins to feel like rejection. Criticism feels like failure. Being left out makes us feel unwanted. Someone else’s success makes us question our own.
We begin living as though we are constantly on trial, waiting for other people to tell us whether we are doing okay.
But people are unreliable mirrors. They will praise us today and criticise us tomorrow. If our identity depends on their opinions, our emotional stability will always be fragile.
What Psychology Teaches Us
Our inner critic may have roots in childhood experiences, rejection, comparison, unrealistic expectations or environments where love and acceptance felt conditional.
Psychology encourages us to examine the thoughts behind our need for approval.
When you think, “Everyone thinks I am failing,” ask yourself, “Is that actually true?”
When you think, “I am not good enough,” ask, “Did I make a mistake, or have I turned that mistake into my identity?”
There is a difference between “I made a mistake” and “I am a failure.”
The first acknowledges an experience. The second attacks our identity.
Learning to recognise this difference helps us develop a healthier relationship with ourselves.
And Then Faith Takes Us Deeper
As a Christian, I believe our identity cannot ultimately come from applause, achievements or people’s opinions. It must be anchored in God.
Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that we are God’s workmanship.
I do not have to perform my way into worth. I do not have to impress everyone, explain myself to everyone or be celebrated to know that my life has value.
Sometimes God calls us to do things nobody applauds. Sometimes obedience is misunderstood. Sometimes we serve and nobody says thank you.
If approval is our fuel, we will eventually become exhausted. But when our identity is rooted in God, we can keep going even when nobody is watching.
I am learning that there is freedom in saying:
I appreciate your approval, but I do not depend on it.
I can receive correction without questioning my worth.
I can celebrate others without feeling threatened.
I can be unseen by people and still be fully seen by God.
Perhaps healing begins when we stop asking, “Do they approve of me?” and start asking, “Am I living faithfully and authentically before God?”
We do not have to stop appreciating approval. We simply need to stop allowing it to determine our worth.
Reflection
Whose approval are you working too hard to earn, and what would change if you truly believed that your worth was already secure in God?
Leave a Reply